ShOrTiE KiNgDoM

Is this the end?

2011-11-09T20:26:00.003+08:00

Hi..
well looks like my blog's as good as dead now..
who uses blogger still?
blogger's kinda lame now..
anw..alot's been happening..

almost thirteen mths together now..
he lost his ring yst..
our couple ring..
my v day gift for us..
oh well, its just a ring..
though its super significant to me..

today we had a tiff..
we've been having so many rows lately..
is this bad?
hmmm..
i dont know..
now we're both not talking to each other..
i dont care anymore..

you said ure gonna rebuild the hope but u just toppled down the hope that was under construction

if u can have fun, so can i

2011-05-17T08:18:00.002+08:00

its been a while since i blogged. ouh well ive been bz.
not to mention shagged out and totally drained.
anyway, its P.H today so im not working.
my right calf is still hurting and i dont know if i even wanna go out.
bf is out with family today and ut with frens yst.
tsktsk.
doesnt matter. i can have my fun too.

tt aside, havent had my proper meal for two days.
today i woke up with sharp pain in my stomach.
-.-
sigh.
whateffs!

fuck jealousy!

2011-03-21T00:00:00.003+08:00

yeah yeah yeah..
when i go arnd chatting and communicating with guys and tell you,
it hurts like a thousand daggers in your heart..
and that makes me what??
a sinner?? or any equivalent..

but when you tell me the same thing,
it hurts as much you know you know you know???
fine, im jealous!
im as jealous as you are..
hell yeah im nt the prettiest arnd..whatever..
in my fucking face!

"some things are better off not knowing" - quoted from you

trivialities

2011-03-18T21:18:00.002+08:00

easy come easy goes..

anyway..
ive been rather cranky the whole day..
dont ask me why cos i really aint have any idea why..
tsktsk..

ive been feeling rather insulted the past few days..
i know u meant it as a joke,
but it you joke about it way too often,
doesnt tt somehow make it a fact??
whatever..
im just tired today..
tired of feeling fucked up over you comparing me and my friends,
or in fact you checking out people and
telling me how hot they are..

BYE!

damn u mister!!

2011-03-10T21:55:00.002+08:00

woah you are worst than a bitch man!!
just because your gf treats you like trash,
doesnt mean you can go arnd making stories up
to sabotage other ppl's relationship..

i dont fucking care who you are..
but you are no friend of mine..
stupid freak!!
i hate you!! like seriously!!

throat is killing me

2011-03-05T19:44:00.002+08:00

my throat hurts!!
i feel like it got slit!!
do you know how bloody painful my throat feels right now??
:'(

swallow saliva, speak and cough hurts..
seriously..
just slit my throat man..
geez..
even lying down makes it hurt more..
gosh..

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

2011-02-27T00:09:00.004+08:00

ouh darn fuck..
fuck fuck fuck fuck!
can i just say that again??
FUCK!

what the hell??
now they are probably gonna perceive me as if
im this freaking cheap, promiscuous, bitch who doesnt have a proper upbringing..
argh!!
fuck fuck fuck..
should i cry? kill myself?
wtf?!
geez!! this is so stressful!!

argh!!!!!!!!
i just wanna scream!!

its so painful, im gonna die!!

2011-02-22T18:28:00.002+08:00

hi..im in pain!!
excruciating pain..
im gonna die..
really gonna die if the pain doesnt go away..
:((

anyway im left with two papers before the end of my 3 academic years
in SINGAPORE POLYTECHNIC..
ok anyway im not gonna rant further..
im in far too much pain to want to stay too long on the comp..
so toodles..

Abandoned

2011-02-18T00:20:00.004+08:00

hi..
im still awake..in the midst of studying now..
taking a short break..
will be sleeping late..

anyway i would say today or rather yesterday, wasnt a gd day..
couldnt study in the day cause chohari was home throughout..
there wasnt any space for me..
i know i could have gone out to study instead but nah..
i havent top up my ezlink and my money is in my locker,
which is blocked by tt love birds, sleeping!
so i spent the whole fucking day staring into space or letting the tv watch me stoning..

mum came home..
she prepared two dishes cos one of my bros dont eat one of the dish
so she had to whip up sth else for him..
WOW!
she doesnt do tt whenever she cooks chicken dishes
despite knowing i dont eat chicken..
did u know, past few days she cooked chicken dishes,
i didnt eat any meals except biscuits..
then one of the days i bought prata cause i was too hungry..

and on wednesday, she said she wanna cook sausages..
she said "lena u dont eat sausage rite? im cooking sausage"
but she didnt prepare anything else for me..
im expected to fry eggs myself or sth..
but i forced those sausages down my throat tho i know its gonna make me vomit..
why?? why do i get a different treatment??
has it ever crossed anyone's mind tt i developed this unhealthy habit
of not eating meals cos of.........forget it..

im losing it..
losing every desire to live in this pathetic life of mine..
where's my so called family??
do i even have one??
who can i count on in my family when im really at my lowest point in life??
WHO??!!
no one..i have no one..
so why should anyone of them bother to ask about my whereabouts if im not home??
just to show the impression tt "ive got a sister/daughter"
but deep inside,
does any of you bother about my well-being??

shut it!

2011-02-10T23:34:00.003+08:00

why bother if you're not even gonna pay attention??
forget it la..
im bored of this..
need company??
talk to your new companion!!
hmph!!

A.W.E.S.O.M.E

2011-02-05T14:08:00.002+08:00

hi!

went out with bbon yest..

we went to watch The Green Hornet in 3D!!

initially wanted to watch Khurafat at rex cinema but tickets sold out..

so yeah..

anyway it was a great movie..

after which we had dinner and headed home..

i swear i had a great time yest..

ouh and the day before, i had dinner with his family..

alright next few weeks im gonna be SUPER BUSY

with revision..

final phase..

so i gotta give my best like i always do..

though i have to admit, ive been slacking my butt off this term!!

gee gee..

ok wish me luck and TOODLES!!

(^_^)

just let it go again..

2011-02-02T19:12:00.004+08:00

yeah yeah..
it doesnt matter even if i starve to death..
my stomach hurts like fuck, its just a norm to you..
when i had problems with my body,
its just a norm too..
nothing about me really concerns any of you here anyway..
not my health, not my life, not my existence..

to you, if i dont eat, i wont die..
but if the rest dont eat, they will die..
so you must show them more concern..
usually if there's only chicken, im expected to settle my own meal..
but if you cook dishes which the rest dont eat,
you help them whip up sth else..
i dont need any attention??

sigh..
ok..i just have to care for myself rite??
sometimes i think my bf and friends care more than my own family..
so what does this mean??
if ever ive got cancer or is dying, i dont need to tell any of you??
none of you care anyway..

its nothing but saddening you know..
and especially when any of them sick, you said "pitiful,etc"
but when im sick and said i wanna go see the doc,
you would just say "oh"
:(

ok whatever..
im not angry of upset..
im just disappointed..
ok bye..

wonderful day!!

2011-02-01T23:53:00.004+08:00

laughing with this two the whole day :)

hi everyone..
i feel way way way better today..
today was such a super wonderful day..
i feel like all my troubles which ive bottled up all this while are gone..
probably cos i cried from sunday night all the way to last night..
the only time i didnt shed a tear was in school..

crying really helped in setting my troubles free..
tts what happens if i botle up too much..
breakdown..
but im glad its over now..
and today, i feel so damn happy!!
i laughed so much that i got tired eventually and started yawning repeatedly..
i even had appetite to eat..
in fact, i think i ate too much today..
now my tummy feels queasy..
gah!!

but oh well..
im glad im alright..
:)

i got kicked when im alrdy down. how can i get up?

2011-01-31T18:48:00.003+08:00

arrows came shooting at me from all direction today..
in school,
there were problems with slides..
such a simple task..
two slides yet, there can still be mistakes..

home,
bros and mum quarrelled..
mum cried..
thats when i know, today is not the day for me to open up to her..
she needs her time alone..
she doesnt wanna talk to anyone..
:(
not even me..

at the same time,
im dealing with my own set of aches..
ive been tearing up..
since last night??
i cant help it..
my tears wont stop flowing..
i no longer know what exactly im feeling..
i wanna numb myself..
just try to put things aside..
even for a moment..
but its not working..

i feel like ive fallen..
fallen into a deep pit..
i just wanna stop everything..
ive became lost and confused..
idk what exactly is the core issue..

its 7pm..
pls stop torturing me..
pls..
i cant take it anymore..
i cant stop this vulnerable side of me..
i cant..
i just cant..
i dont know what to say or do..
maybe i just need some sleep..
sigh..

hope i'll be able to update again tmr, or the day after..
anytime, anyday..
idk..

its just me, myself and i

2011-01-29T22:34:00.002+08:00

is that enough??
frankly, ive nvr felt more lonely in my life..
even if ive ever been as lonely as this,
back then, there was a reason for it..
but now,
no there's no reason why i should be all alone..
but unfortunately,
i still am..

its alright..
i will go through this..
i will..
i'll be my knight in shining armour..
i'll be my own saviour..

hope tmr's weather is perfect

2011-01-28T18:27:00.002+08:00

hi..
ive got cough..
and i have no idea why but the top of my left eye hurts alot..
the pain is pretty annoying..

anyway i wanna play basketball tmr..
hopefully it doesnt rain tmr evening so tt i'll be able to play..
bbon have to meet his mum tmr evening anyway..
ouh well..
and idk if we're still gonna meet in the day..
if we're not, then i guess it doesnt matter..
i could try to find something to do..
=/

my last paper will be on 2nd march..
cant wait to get sch over and done with..
im sick of school shits..
anyway whatever..

i dont feel like taking any calls or texts the remaining of today..
so bye..

???

2011-01-25T20:02:00.002+08:00

what that person said actually made sense..
ouh well..
i dont know..
all im thinking of now is....well actually im not thinking of anything..
my mind's blank..

i just went for a jog earlier..
i kept jogging and jogging but i didnt feel tired at all..
hmm..
weird..
first time..
i could go on and on..
but it started drizzling..
so i stopped..
then i stoned for a few minutes when i reached home..
no panting at all..
whats wrong lena??

brand new, fresh week!

2011-01-24T17:00:00.002+08:00

hi..
:)
its a brand new week..
had a short chat with siddiq in the train just now..
well..hmm..
as always, he kinda made me think of things which ive alrdy
thought about before but have not really came to a conclusion yet..
but tts not the point..

my point is about PRIORITIES..
but whatever..
im not gonna dwell so much on it..
sometimes its wise not to think too much..

alright so anyway, im happy..
happy with or about what??
idk and i dont really care..
what i know is im just happy..
putting all my miseries aside..
a good start to a brand new week..

YEAH!
i love me!!

our 3rd..

2011-01-20T00:01:00.003+08:00

ok hello..
its 20th Jan 2011..
our 3rd month together..
sigh..
we arent gonna meet again this month..

bbon wanna work overtime with manaf today..
ouh well..
i guess meeting him a while yst sort of made up for not meeting today??
doesnt matter..
afterall..what could we possibly do even if we meet??
=/

anyway nothing else for me to say..
its like just any ordinary day..
and whats worst is i end school early today..
so what am i gonna do??
urgh..
no mood no mood..
alright tts it then..

toodles..

this isnt the first and i bet it isnt the last!

2011-01-18T22:19:00.002+08:00

i am kinda mad..
>:(
i know im supposed to be understanding..
but fuck it la..
maybe im mood swinging..
but i dont care..
i still feel sore!

forget it..
im not gonna say anything..
its better to just contain everything..
hmph!!

22's the number!

2011-01-17T23:20:00.002+08:00

bbon is 22!!

happy birthday to you..
happy birthday to you..
happy birthday to RYAN..
happy birthday to you..

hmm..
thanks bbon for letting me be a part of ur birthday..
wo ai ni!!
i love you!!
syg kamu!!
:)

lol..
bbon's using fb mobile to reply to all the birthday wishes on his fb wall..
OMG!!
freaking slow..
im done blogging, he's still not even halfway through..
hahaha!!

i wish u were dead

2011-01-15T00:29:00.003+08:00

wtf??
seriously..
chohari ure better off dead..
whats becoming of everyone in this household??
everyone's becoming selfish and turning against one another..
is that what family should be??
now u know why i hate hari raya??
cos hari raya holds no meaning if the family doesnt stand as one..
anyway thats not my point..

ny fucking point is that chohari's such a whore..
ok not a whore literally but he's worst than tt..
and mummy..
why doesnt she ever speak up??
do you know how much i dread staying here??
sometimes i wish im far away from home..
i dont care if im all alone..

and sometimes i hope i can just go to another country
and reside there..
ALONE!!
but no..i'll get fucking lonely..
but i still just wanna leave this house..
leave this STUPID house..
for now, its just a roof for me..
it holds no significance..
i hate chohari cos he's the core of my hatred towards every other person..

i should get to bed

2011-01-14T00:06:00.004+08:00

hello!!

i told bbon i'll go to bed by 2300hrs..

but its alrdy 0017hrs now..

i cant sleep..

so i thought of blogging..

aint have lesson later..

but there's a site visit to changi murals!!

excited!!

anyway..

siddiq kept the picture of him, fana and i which was taken

after we played pool last term in his wallet!!

aww..sweet isnt it??

we are BFFs!!

ok besides that, let's see..

i love bbon dearly!!

he's been working very hard lately..

tough on him..

i wanna pinch his cheeks!!

haha..

ok..now im kinda sleepy..

toodles..

ZzzzZzZzzzZZz

done with negotiation role play

2011-01-12T19:44:00.004+08:00

ok hello people..

today had negotiation role play..

it was alright i guess..

was supposed to wear formal..

but i sort of made myself a little more informal..

hahaha..

but turns out, siddiq, fana and peiyi said it looks more like

a clubbing outfit..

after which fana and peiyi started making fun of it,

saying about the stars on it are like

"blink blink" and

"can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars" -.-

there's worst..hahaha but i shall not mention it :)

so anyway what i was wearing was my formal skirt,

slitted on the left,

and a sleeveless black top with a white tube (as shown in the pic)

and a brown belt :)

pretty!! but i think i look kinda fat :/

ouh well..ok now i am craving for chocolates..

gosh so random :P

boohoo!

2011-01-09T14:02:00.002+08:00

:(
im bored..
think not gonna go out today..
ive already told fana im not free cos initially had plans with bbon and manaf..
now dont think the plan is still on :(
fana made plans alrdy..
so ive got no plans!!!!

argh!
bored bored bored..
ok bye!
im gonna climb onto bed and talk to my stuffed toys..
:(

2011-01-06T20:19:00.004+08:00

"words coming out of ppl's mouth are nothing but
plain verbal sounds which may or may not mean anything.."

what a day..

2011-01-05T21:18:00.003+08:00

i was no longer frustrated with fyp cos its alrdy submitted..
ive had enough of feeling down and frustrated since i left school..
i had my late dinner just to make myself feel better
though i didnt have an appetite..

i wanted to drop by cause you planned to meet me initially..
didnt get to meet cause i was held up in sch for fyp..
tts why i wanted to drop by..
but you didnt want me to..

i wanted to do sth for you..
be the one to meet instead of it always being you..
yet you dont even allow tt..
you even had to write it on fb about what happened..
yeah it makes you feel good doesnt it??

sure..it doesnt matter that i saw it and felt even more hurt than i alrdy was..
it doesnt matter that all i wanted and could think about after a stressful day
in school was to meet you cos i missed you..
all tt doesnt matter..
i dont matter at all..

i know im a difficult person..
i know im not like all the other girls..
and i know she doesnt like me..
i know..
i realise..

if you hate the way i am,
im telling you, i hate myself more than anybody else..

tmr school's in but i dont feel like going..

2011-01-02T21:38:00.002+08:00

i dunno what to feel anymore..
im numbing myself..
trying not to get affected by it..but you know what??
its easier said than done..

just what wrong have i done??
there arent any interuption when the others were arnd,
but there nvr fail to be at least one when the rest arent arnd..
why??
why do you detest me so much??

cause you think im a liability??
i assure you, im not..
i dont want to and wont be a liability..
just please, spare me the hurt and the feeling that
im after something cause im not..

its so painful..
it hurts more than falling out of love..
maybe its karma but this is far worst than what they experienced..

crying my heart out isnt enough..
jogging my lungs out doesnt numb my pain..
starving myself is suicidal and i dont want that..
but i have no appetite..
sigh..

mindless entry

2010-12-28T12:02:00.003+08:00

woke up feeling a short, mild pain in my upper abdomen..
im worried and scared..
just what is wrong with me??
dont tell me to go for a check up cause money doesnt come from the sky..
anyway who cares..
not as if im gonna die rite??
even if i do, it wont be so soon..

moving on to the next issue..
i dont know why but i dont feel my usual self for the past 3 days..
its like i just......
i dont know how to say it..
but the point is, im just not myself..

i gotta stop deluding myself..

ho ho ho!!

2010-12-25T13:57:00.002+08:00

hey ho!!
er..merry christmas??
hahaha!!
hmm yst went out with nisa :)
its been ages since we hang out with each other..
like 10 months since we last met!!
gosh!!

i bought myself a bottle of rock candy and mini skittles!!
woohoo!!

bbon bbon bbon..

2010-12-23T13:08:00.004+08:00

hello!
bbon has got a job now :)
ok im happy for him..
wonder how he's doing now..hmm..
wait, am i missing him??
lol..
of cos i am!

xoxo

two months

2010-12-20T18:20:00.004+08:00

happy two months bbon..
though we didnt get to spend time together today,
it doesnt matter :)
im happy enough that you were with me yesterday..
so thank you for that..

i know im not perfect, and ive been
pretty mean and insensitive to your feelings sometimes..
but nevertheless, i love you and im sorry for any mistakes ive made..

i heart you ryan
("v")
'v'

im better off dead

2010-12-19T20:20:00.004+08:00

if you think my post is gonna be something funny,
no, it isnt..
how i wish those toy guns are real and that i can just pull the trigger..
sigh..

seriously,
maybe im better off dead..
im just so clueless right now..
sigh..

"dear mummy, have you ever been in my shoes??"
(i wanna ask my mum this but she's too busy to entertain me)

randomness

2010-12-18T19:53:00.002+08:00

i found this pic in my laptop :/
so random..
didnt realise it was there till i went into my webcam folder..
hmm..
anyway there's too much on my mind currently..
so im not gonna say much here..

toodles..

er..home's a crowd..

2010-12-16T17:58:00.004+08:00

hello..
yesterday was a bitch, today was slightly better..
spent the whole day doing stupid things instead of
working on my fyp website..
i will work on it, perhaps later at night..

anyway, ezam's back..
and very soon, another member will be in the family..
so lets do a head count shall we??
there will be:

chohari, mummy, hermie, fenddy, ezam, me, fa'in, ermeen, agness, avelyne and new baby girl ouh and sometimes mandy comes to sleep over

11-12 people in the house daily..
tell me how i can get peace when i need it??
ok, maybe i should go out more often from now on??
stay out late and so on??
gee i dont know..
thinking about this is giving me a headache..

just wow!

2010-12-15T23:47:00.003+08:00

how is that even possible??
wow!!
seriously, tts my reaction..

WOW!!

forget it, i'll be fine tmr just like how i always feel fine after sleeping it off..
but right now, right this minute,
im being mentally abused/tortured/fucked/preyed on
by a phychopathic pedophile and i dont think anyone even cares..
not my grp, no one! (maybe you do but you're sound asleep)
i'll get out of this shit, MYSELF!!
so bye ppl!!

i hate today more than any other fucking days.

6 days away..

2010-12-14T21:23:00.002+08:00

went to accompany bbon yest..
hmmm..
alright so we're 6 days away from our two months..
it sure feels long..
time seems to be gg at a tortise's pace..

alright anyway,
from what ive seen on this particular acquaintance's wall posts on fb,
he/she doesnt really seem sincere in reaching out all this while..
gosh..
why complain if you're sincere??
and why help if you're not sincere??
human nature..
what can i say..
kinda pretentious and hypocritical..
im so glad, ive nvr asked you for help or advice..

am i fine? i think so

2010-12-13T01:36:00.004+08:00

maybe you dont know what its like to live under torment,
under quarrels..
sure, there are others in worst state than me,
and i should be grateful..
i am..
i really am..

but now, just for now, all im asking for is....
ouh nvm..
it doesnt really matter..
i'll be fine tmr..

ok seriously, fine..
i am fine..i feel fine..nvr felt better..
bye..

tests are over and holidays are here!

2010-12-11T22:36:00.003+08:00

hello..
tests are over and im back to update!!
alright so ive been busy with tests the whole week,
hardly having any time to miss bbon dearly..
and trust me, i feel bad about tt..

so...
last night i went over to his area to surprise him!!
yay!!
anyway, played pool with siddiq and fana after the test yesterday..
hell yeah it was a lot of fun..
my virgin game..
awesome!!
though i suck, but i had fun laughing at my own stupidity etc..
now, im waiting for siddiq to upload the video he recorded as well as some pics..
so yeah..
tts about it..

what a wonderful day! -.-

2010-12-05T13:08:00.003+08:00

what i planned couldnt happen..
oouh well..
went home, mummy moved my stuff without my consent..
argh..
then felt kinda hungry..
but guess what? there isnt any food..
wow!! of all days, everything had to happen today..

and to top it all,
manaf told me tt someone said tt im not beautiful..
ouh thanks..
i knew tt alrdy..
ive nvr even said i was beautiful in the first place..
ouh well..

i dont give a shit..
think whatever you want..
yes im ugly..
as ugly as a monster..
happy??
i hope ure damn good looking or beautiful to have commented on my appearance,
Allah's creation,
something tt i cant really change unless i go for plastic surgery..

accompanying each other

2010-12-02T11:23:00.002+08:00

hello world!!
test week is coming..
so i probabaly wont be updating much..

anyway yst accompanied bbon for interview in the morning,
the interviewer could only make it in the afternoon
so bbon tag along to sch with me and sat through the lesson..
after sch,
we went back there for the interview..
ok hope good news follow after tt..

alright i missed two days of revision cos i was too tired..
so i got some catching up to do..
toodles..

ps: you look awesome in formal!!

how can i be happy when you're not? :(

2010-11-29T20:46:00.004+08:00

sigh..
lately, bbon's been sighing alot..
i just dont want him to be sad or troubled..
i wish he knew tt for every sigh he lets out,
i feel dampened..
i want him to know how much i want to be there for him..
but can i??
that just makes me feel worst..
cos i cant help cheer him up..
i cant help reduce his agony..
i cant do anything for him..

anyway my bro managed to secure an interview session for bbon..
i was freaking glad when my bro called me this morn to tell me the news..
i hope the interview goes well this wed
so tt bbon's woes will go away..
but then again, did trying to help really helped??

how can i be happy when you're not?? :(

down and unmotivated

2010-11-28T17:36:00.004+08:00

sigh..
tons of work and revision to do..
i want this phase to pass quickly..
ive been up to my neck this few days but fortunately
i managed to stay happy throughout..

however,
im not exactly that happy at the moment..
so many things to be done..
anyway had fun at work today..
went home, tired, fell asleep and now im awake..
gotta start doing work now..

god, pls let this phase pass quickly

gonna be as busy as a bee!

2010-11-25T20:45:00.002+08:00

ok hello again..
i just finished updating the group's quotation report..
im supposed to study now..
well i will, soon..
after blogging probably..
anyway, i ate today..
damn i feel so FAT!!
but i guess tts a good thing cos i need to fatten up..
grr!!

anyway, exams are nearing, so....
im gonna be relatively busy in the next two weeks..
sigh..

ok wats in for me this week and next??
hmm CSW test tmr, job briefing on sat, work on sun,
budget deadline on monday, venue & space presentation on tues..
did i miss out anything??
hmm and the week after next is test week!!
ARGH..
save me!!
stress is coming!!
:'(

lalalala..ok toodles..study time..

where is my brother?

2010-11-22T20:45:00.004+08:00

havent heard from ezam yet..
he deactivated his facebook..he's seldom on msn..
how?? i feel worried..
what if he does something stupid over there??
sometimes i feel that we both share telepathy..
i feel what he feels..
i know how he's feeling..
sigh..pls call me bro..

i hate misunderstandings..

2010-11-21T21:44:00.004+08:00

i made bbon mad at me again..
ok this time, i think its more of me hurting him..
why must i keep making him angry or hurt??
i really felt bad..
that was why i immediately went back down when he texted me..
honestly i felt the hurt in his text..
so what went through my mind was.....

i had to go down and see him to tell him how sorry i am

i swear if he had taken the bus and left i would have cried right there and then..
luckily he was still at the bus stop..
fortunately we managed to clear it up..
i still think im in the wrong though..
his words pierced through my heart but i know i have to handle it..

"would you text me if hadnt text you first? would you hold me if i hadnt hold you first?"
i might not have answered it just now, but my answer is a definite YES!

bbon im really sorry about my attitude towards you..
im sorry i let my mood affect the way i treated you..
i cant promise it wont happen again cos sometimes i just get cranky for no reason,
but i promise it wont happen often..
:)

thank goodness its all cleared now..
:)

one month have passed

2010-11-21T00:25:00.004+08:00

one month's passed..
well happy 1st month anniversary ryan iskandar..
its past 12mn..so its 21st alrdy..im late in blogging this..
its supposed to be on 20th..ouh well..
love you bbon..

tears..

2010-11-19T21:15:00.005+08:00

bbon was mad at me today :(

it made me feel bad..

but i really didnt do anything wrong..

at least i told him..

cos i didnt wanna keep anything from him..

but he said my explanation doesnt make sense..

:'(

i wasnt lying..

nvm..

ive been home the whole day after coming back from sch..

haven done anything productive..

and there i was blogging away and bbon rang me up..

he said he was under my block??

gasp!!

so there he was, all smart dressed, back from work..

with a sunflower in his hands..(stuffed toy)

i dont know what i was feeling..

its like i wanna cry, smile and scream..

but all in all, i just want him to know how much i love him..

and having this misunderstanding today,

a day before our month anniversary,

made me realise that being loved is a gift but loving someone is

a greater gift..

i love you.

why oh why are posers around?

2010-11-17T18:14:00.003+08:00

little miss poser is back..
nyehnyehnyeh..
up to you..
i have no comments..
erm..but lets see..
have fun deluding yourself :)

finally the air is cleared

2010-11-15T19:17:00.002+08:00

ok like finally..
ive told my mummy about ryan..
erm it was tough..really..
showed her his pic..
mummy just laughed and said he looks chubby..
mummy was anticipating me to tell her anyway since
somehow she alrdy knew..
ok thats the highlight for today..
~toink toink toink~

ps: i really need to cut my hair soon..

questions

2010-11-14T20:47:00.003+08:00

why do you even bother coming home if you're fucking loaded??
arent you freaking rich now??
arent we nothing but trash in your eyes??
so why bother sticking around??

ps: i loathe you..even though part of you is in me, i wish it wasnt..

long long day

2010-11-14T00:41:00.005+08:00

hello im tired..
i worked yst (since its past 12 now)..
and after that, i went to fana's pit..
my back hurts but idk why..

ok anyway worked together with bf..
tts a first..
had to be stationed at this dragon's trail at sentosa..
cool or wat?
b4 the amazing race started, we kinda took pictures and just do some stupid dupid stuff..
hmm..
but i aint have any pics of us together in my hp..
its all in his..
so..yeah..

it was a rather great experience..
had fun..
too much fun maybe??
haha..no idea..
ok anyway..
left fana's pit at arnd 10pm..
took bus..had some er.....random talks??
it was a random topic afterall wasnt it??
and i ended up hurting his feelings..
just to clear it up bf, i said the same thing over and over again cos im tired..
i really didnt mean it tt way..

ok and ezam's back frm thailand for a week..
now idk wat else to talk about..
my mind's a little messy at the moment..
alright..
im lazy, tired and cant think..
so im gonna buzz off now..
toodles noodleheads :)

site visits arent so bad..

2010-11-11T22:22:00.002+08:00

been having like tons of site visits..
here, there and everywhere..
but its kinda fun actually..
especially when you have fun ppl arnd..

anyway hmm..been feeling alright past few days i guess..
settled some minor stuff..
am currently on schedule i guess..
cant wait for saturday!!
gonna work!! yay!!
alright now i gtg get on with my work..
stupid research..
-.-

ok bye!

old lena's back

2010-11-09T19:18:00.002+08:00

sigh..
the old man's at it again..
sometimes i just wish he's mute or something..
seriously..

i feel like leaving home..
i really do..
but where can i go??
what do i have??
money?? yeah i have tt, but how long can i last with the amount i have??
3-4 months??
what will happen then??
i die??
gee..

i dont wanna flare up,
i wanna avoid confrontations..
so what should i do??
just shut myself up??
risk becoming insane for bottling up like fuck??
ive had enough..
i just wish to go through each day without experiencing much hoo haa..

do you feel me??
sigh..
i wish someone does..

er?? whats my purpose today??

2010-11-07T20:50:00.003+08:00

ok sexy and hotties..
for the first time in my blogging history,
my blogger's dying..
aww..
no i shall try not to let it die although seriously, all blogs are dying nowadays..
thanks to other social networks like facebook and twitter..
wait, why am i talking about this??

ok change of topic,
er..here in the pic above is me and mr ryan iskandar!!
mummy doesnt know about him yet..
i'll tell her soon..
daddy doesnt need to know while brothers alrdy know..
ouh well..

ok tts all for now..

hopeful

2010-11-04T20:57:00.001+08:00

i know this is not going to be smooth sailing..
but with god's willing, im sure things will turn out fine..

missing my twin..

2010-11-03T21:23:00.002+08:00

psst..bf's fren said im hot..
hahaha!!
ouh well..only in pics i guess..wait till he sees me in person..
im far from hot! lol..

hmm lately ive been losing my temper..
getting cranky and all..
gosh..is the old lena back??
nah im just pms-ing..i always do every month without fail :P
hahaha..

anyway i miss amirah!!
miss her alot!!
it suddenly occured to me tt i havent met her for a long time..
but wait..i tink i just met her last friday..
lol..
gee..this week's schedule is so tight..
i have stuff going on everyday..
stressful week..
ok i tink im off now..
i wanna watch GLEE!! i missed so many episodes of "The Two of Us" btw!! :(

ps: do i see a little smirk on my face in this pic?? gee!!

my night's been wrecked

2010-10-31T19:30:00.005+08:00

yeah yeah..
think over what you just said..
i didnt know that there's supposed to be a specific time..
so why even ask me to confirm it??
up to you la..
it all boils down to one word..

FAITH

goodnight and congrats cos uve just wrecked my night!

subaru challenge was tiring!

2010-10-31T18:38:00.004+08:00

bf fetched me from work yst..
thank you very much..
love u bf..
anyway the acculumated lethargy from yst is really killing me now..
but i cant seem to fall asleep just yet..
something's on my mind..
something's bothering me..

anyway i feel sick..
ok not really actually..
but my throat feels dry and still is even after i drank lots of water..
sigh..

ps: trying my best to accept something tt kinda scares/disgust me

TGIF!

2010-10-29T19:07:00.003+08:00

hey hey hey!!
ok i was late for sch for the second time this sem..
but at least i was only 30mins late not 1hr like the previous time..
anyway isnt this pic cool??!!
we look like the traffic light!!
i like!!
hahaha..

anyway after lesson, went to IMM with fana..
and we both bought a top each from esprit!! woohoo!!
its rather tough making a choice on which to choose though..
eventually i settled for a hooded top..
it comes in 3 colours..
red, blue and black..i wanted blue but fana said it wouldnt look nice with my skin tone..
so she advised me to take the red..
besides i promised myself not to buy black tops for the time being..

but when i reached home,
the top didnt really look red..hahaha..it looks more like pink..
haha!!
ouh well..its not so bad..i still love it!!
fana on the other hand settled for a black top :)
NICE!!

we chilled and chatted cos it was still early..
after much chit chatting, we headed home :)
thx fana!!
it seems like its been so long since i had a really long conversation with you ;)
hmm mira busy tonight so our plan to hang out at mac has been cancelled..
so i guess im gonna be a good girl and stay home..

ps: im thinking of you cos imy :)

i wanna fly!

2010-10-24T00:44:00.001+08:00

i wanna spread my wings and fly!

friendship

2010-10-21T21:00:00.006+08:00

today marks a very significant day of my life..
i realised there are people out there in my life who believes in friendship..
something i had nvr believed in during my teenage years..
i feel indebted to you babe..
you know who you are..

i shed tears of gratitude even as im blogging about this..
at that point of time, seeing you doing that,
alot of vision flashed through my mind..
it seemed random at tt point,
but now tt i tink of it again,
all those visions were images of the people i love..

babe, your words really hit me hard..
it made me feel human..
you have no idea how touched i felt when you said all those,
accompanied by what you did for me..

*thinking, thinking and still thinking

the old man..urgh -.-"

2010-10-19T21:35:00.003+08:00

ok hello hello..
it feels like as if i haven been blogging for ages but actually its just been 2 days..
hahahaha!!
hmm..
im happy, very happy and yes still happy :P

erm lets talk about school??
well school's pretty much the same..
fyp, grp work etc etc..
not very interesting huh?? ok lets change the topic..

it feels wrong when an older man flirts with me..
and i mean, seriously..even if he's not flirting, he kinda gives me the creeps..
shouldnt he be more professional??
sometimes i feel like saying, "shut up and get lost you old fag!"
but i cant cause the grp needs him one way or another..
so all im doing is just ignore his stupid flirtatious jokes..

ok last but not least,
my younger bro's friend said i look CUTE!!
hahaha!! im far from cute,
im MONSTROUS!!
hehehehe!!

note to self: time for a haircut soon

thoughts

2010-10-17T18:32:00.002+08:00

hmm..
stayed home today, worked yst..
i swear i wouldnt want to work for them again..
not that i have anything against any of them, but i just feel that they lack respect..
they are kinda a chinese dominated company..
and just imagine this;
im sitting in the middle and all of them kept talking across me in mandarin..
i feel that its basic respect that you should converse in english in the presence of a non chinese..
even if they wish to communicate in mandarin,
have the basic common sense to sit together instead of talking across me..
that's just plain rude..

anyway that aside,
my bro keeps posting emo statements and quotes on his facebook..
i know the situation he's in,
i just hope he'll be strong..
love, heartaches, death, everything along that line are what he posts on his wall..
sigh..

on the brighter note,
im kinda happy seeing that i havent been experiencing much shitty stuff..
school's in tmr,
excited! but at the same time, i need my source of motivation -.-
hmm ouh well..

ps: thinking of you..

out out and out :)

2010-10-13T23:02:00.005+08:00

hello!!
went out today..pretty long day..
but it was cool :)

bowling at marina square followed by walking aimlessly and
HENDERSON WAVES :)
watched sunset (more like we were dodging from the sun's glaring rays)
watch the clouds and imagined all sorts of nonsense :P
by then, the sun has set and there was the aftermath rays of the sunset..
SO PRETTY!!

after that, we chat and chat and start poking each other??
lol..ok i know its weird..
laughter begins and then it kinda went on for what seemed like hours?? (actually was just minutes)
then headed home..
he walked me to my block and im safely home and so was he..

THANK YOU LOTS :)

annoying..

2010-10-12T21:29:00.002+08:00

Lies. Deceit.

This is always the case isn't it?? Geez!!

disappointed

2010-10-10T15:54:00.003+08:00

no words can actually describe how disappointed i feel right now..
no point talking about it anyway..cos its related to school..
ouh well..
im gonna meet fikks later..
havent met her for a pretty long time..
so hopefully it'd make me feel way better..

hmm stomach's not been behaving lately..
havent been vomitting much probably because i havent been eating much..
hahaha!
ouh and today, i feel hungry like almost every minute!
why??!!
its not as if i havent been feeding myself -.-"

that aside, ive been rather happy lately..
but kinda having insomnia..
that's bad..
ouh well..

what am i to do??

2010-10-07T19:25:00.003+08:00

oh gosh..
tell me what to do..
cos suddenly everything seems to be going oh so well and perfect..
but yet im creating a whole lot of reasons for myself on why i should fear,
when i dont have any to begin with..

lena lena lena..
opportunities dont come knocking twice..
when am i gonna understand that life isnt a game anymore??
that im no longer a kid..
sigh..

twice bitten, not gonna make it thrice..

2010-10-05T01:46:00.003+08:00

i wont make the same mistake twice..
i wont be fooled..
just so you know..
*smirks*

who "you" refers to

2010-10-03T02:52:00.003+08:00

when i mention "you" it doesnt necessarily refer to someone special or a guy..
it can refer to one of my friends, gfs or my family members whom
i just dont wish to mention..
just saying..
ok bye..im off to bed now..
:)

after every misgivings, comes goodness :)

2010-10-01T02:36:00.007+08:00

lets just say that things are going pretty well for now, or for today rather..
anyway i wanna paint my nails again but i think i'll wait
till we get news from iskandar..
its not really nice to meet him with painted nails isnt it??
haha..
:)

ps: and everything else seems to be falling into place :)

is this over yet??

2010-09-27T13:24:00.004+08:00

ok i think ive had enough of all these confusion and mood swings..
im done with all the thinking..
IM DONE!

its tough..we need a time out..
anyway lets just say im being cautious..
other than that, those acquaintances, you can jolly well just
take a hike and while you people are at it,
do some soul searching..

im off now..

FML

2010-09-24T23:51:00.002+08:00

i have no idea what's been happenning lately..
well after you came into the picture, everything seemed to have changed..
i lost a few..possessions?? capabilities??

RESPECT. MOOD.
i lost respect in someone i thought deserved that respect very much..
i lost my mood in doing stuff and hanging out..
i can no longer spend a day w/o feeling confused all of a sudden
and start blanking out..
i cant keep conversations going..
i just have no desire to communicate as much..

seems to me, my happy, cheerful side is slowly fading away..
im slowly returning to my intolerant, perfectionist, foul-tempered, pain-in-the-arse character..
tts not where i wanna head to..
but i just cant seem to get back on track..

woken up for work

2010-09-22T22:54:00.002+08:00

worked with these two today!!
awesome!!
money earned!! yeah yeah!!
this is a pretty great workday..
im lovin' it..
hahaha!!

thank you guys!!
for inviting me to work..
hahaha
ouh well and more time on work=less time for you..
:)
but doesnt matter rite??
hahaha!!

ps: im still keeping it secret ;)

Holiday, Splurging, Work & You

2010-09-20T21:30:00.006+08:00

hey hey hey!!
hello!!
exams are over!!
worked as a flyer distributor just now and i really dont wanna do it again!!
LOL!

anyway,
spent $260 in total yst on myself and my two younger bros..
bought them clothes etc..
ouh and i bought my mum a pair of pretty slippers :)

ok anyway i know i spent too much, but ouh well ive always been stringent..
so a little splurging wont do any harm :)
besides i didnt just splurge on myself..
so thats a gd point to take note of..

alright lastly,
i think im being a little judgemental..
im starting to judge you just cause of the type of company you hang out with..
geez!
i know i shouldn't be judging you based on that,
but i cant help it..
sorry..
now you just seem so different from what i used to see you as..
i guess knowing someone can be a scary thing..

life gave me a bucket of shit..

2010-09-16T23:37:00.002+08:00

questions.

anger, disappointment, excitement??
EMOTIONS.

im a mess! a complete wreck!
i detest all of this.
goodbye.
hatred is in the air and im breathing it all in..
i gotta salvage my situation and save myself..

waste of time

2010-09-11T06:08:00.004+08:00

and to think, i actually thought about you and you the whole of yesterday..
guess i wasted my precious time..
ah forget it..
this sucks..
goodbye..
im gonna sleep now..

Its that time of the year again..

2010-09-10T01:55:00.006+08:00

its the end of fasting month..and its alrdy hari raya..
the dreaded festive period..
i just hate it..i dont understand the idea of it..
i dont understand the purpose of it..
call me ignorant or stupid if you want..

i dont feel the joy of going from house to house..
i dont see the need to beautify my house only once a year
just for this day..
i dont see whats the point of visiting relatives just for the sake of visiting..
i dont see the need to buy hari raya clothes cause if you must know, i didnt even wear the one i bought two years ago..i didnt even touch it, in fact..

alright that aside,
i encountered a series of unfortunate events today..
ok not as bad as it sounds but here's what happened:

i almost fell down the stairs on my way to school.
my thumb hurts(no idea why) and i had difficulty writing during test.
my feet still hurt so my mum asked me to walk on the stone paths (those for feet reflexology or whatever its called) and eventually, my whole right leg got cramp!
one of my bead bracelet snapped!!
i received some bad news from my brother.

so tell me..what else does god have in store for me this hari raya??
am i being punished for hating this festive occasion??
sigh..
forget it..
im gonna study..

revisions on-going

2010-09-06T20:35:00.003+08:00

hello!!!
two more days to MICE exam!!
argh!! im gonna die!! i think mice is tough!!
but well ive been revising and i guess its going pretty alright..

i went to school to study today..
reached school at 9am and read magazine first..
started studying at 10am all the way to 6pm with only 45 mins of break
and 2 toilet breaks..

studied alone..woke my bro up in the morning
cause he said he wanna accompany me to sch,
in the end, he didnt wake up!!
tsktsk..
doesnt matter cause halfway through i found company :)
woots woots!!

alrighty..
back to studies..
toodles!!

two bastards in my life now

2010-09-02T23:19:00.006+08:00

i shall acknowledge you no more!
just like how i dont acknowledge him anymore
*roll eyes*

end of IT test!

2010-09-01T14:59:00.002+08:00

yay!!
one paper down..
4 more to go!!
yippee ya ya yippee yippee ya!!

okie ive been taking retarded looking pics lately..
i should stop shouldnt i??
but i cant!
cos its exam period..
tts why im like tt..
alright..i dunno why i just said tt..
geez!
im going crazy!

heavy headed day

2010-08-29T17:45:00.003+08:00

wooh i managed to study my CR today..
now my head feels heavy..
ow! :'(
and im gonna study esh later.. :(
ah doesnt matter..
this phase will pass soon..
:)

btw i hate it when ppl ring me up when im still asleep..
so too bad for tt unlucky caller who happened to burst my bubble so early in the morning..
nyeh nyeh nyeh..
sickening..
and she's not even someone i know..
-.-

ouh well..
watever..
:)

retarded face

2010-08-27T15:00:00.001+08:00

i am retarded! :P
wahaha..anyway studying process gg pretty well..
thank god :)

stupid dupid stuff

2010-08-26T15:22:00.002+08:00

i have no idea what im doing :/
see!!
i told you that when exams are approaching and im in my study mode,
i'll do all sorts of stupid things to clear my mind..
haha!!

alright anyway, there're mozzies in my house!!
darn!!
i havent succeed in killing a sgl one!
geez!!
i hate you mozzies!!

distractions!!

2010-08-25T11:49:00.003+08:00

help!!
i am so distracted..
MICE is killing me..
i cant get anything into my head and im disappointed with myself..
MICE didnt even spare my sleep :(
it haunted me..
dread this module!!
can you believe i dreamt of it??!!
its ridiculous!!

anyway yst accompanied shahrin's mum..
helped her cook,
break fast with her, bla bla bla..
ouh and then she saw this picture above cause it was my hp's wallpaper..
and she laughed..hahaha!!
she asked why i put such a face as my wallpaper..
she said i should put the pic which i sent her as wallpaper instead
cos it looks nice..
hahaha!!

ok anyway tts all..
im off to do my revision!!

dream and fats

2010-08-23T12:56:00.003+08:00

had a perfectly, wonderfully, er... intimate dream last night..
ok but nothing sexual of cos..
gosh it was AMAZING!!
cos the person was......someone hot??
LOL!!

anyway..
reality check..am i fatter now??
geez!!
i hate this!!
i would upload a pic of my body to show whether im fat or not if i could
cos ppl would just say tt im delusionalising myself..
anyway its too personal..
hmm..im gonna TRY to jog more then..

ok and i wanna get a new pair of glasses..
this time a geeky looking one..
cool??
heehee :)

revision started yaw!!

2010-08-21T13:46:00.002+08:00

toinktoink ppl!!
:)
ok guess what??!!
i won a pair of movie tickets!!
awesome?? hehehe..
i won it for creating a love pledge in my school portal..
hehehe..
awesome awesome!!

anyway ok today gonna help my mum clear some stuff in the house..
i hate the living room..
seriously..
geez!!
ok and i should probably go now..
hmm and yes!!
revision has officially started!!
hence all the retarded faces and posts might come about..
haha!!

i miss you and you and you and maybe you too :)

stupid dupid

2010-08-18T23:45:00.002+08:00

hello..
hmm..why are ppl are taking advantage of love??
not love as in BGR..
love as in towards family and friends, etc..

you know, i wish i could throw all these stupid balls into their faces
so that they will realise that love is not just about money!!
love is not just about exploiting others!!
sickening individuals..tsk..
geez..

anyway had class bbq just now and i chanced upon shahrin at dover..
not much catching up but yeah we did talk for a bit..
bla bla bla..
so am supposed to be doing my revision now,
but looks like its gonna be put off till tmr..
lena lena lena..
tsktsk..

ouh well..

finally a little load off..

2010-08-16T23:06:00.005+08:00

i believe there's a reason why we dream of someone..

and i believe there's a reason why i dreamt of her..

i know its shocking to dream of someone ive nvr met..

but yes i think its cos my conscience is telling me to

tell her what ive found out..

and so i did..

finally..

ok now nothing is bugging me and hopefully i can start mugging real soon..

mug mug mug..

sigh..

ive been sleeping late and waking up equally late past few days..

boy oh boy this is BAD!!

totally unacceptable!!

ok tonight im gonna try to sleep earlier..

but i gotta plan my mugging schedule first..

okie dokie..

bye ppl..

xoxo :)

GTFO people!

2010-08-13T13:05:00.002+08:00

i should stop being nice..

out of bed hair..

2010-08-11T14:29:00.002+08:00

hello hello..
i love my hair!!

V is for Vitagen!

2010-08-09T15:19:00.002+08:00

hello people..
today is national day!!
am i gonna watch the fireworks??
NO!!
lol..im just gonna stay home drinking my VITAGEN..
haha..

erm..
lets see..
think im gonna get on with my fyp today..
ouh god..
motivation not there yet..
sigh..
ouh well, my fyp's not gonna get itself completed..
so here goes nothing..

okie till then,
im off..

an awesome sunny SUNDAY!

2010-08-08T21:56:00.007+08:00

hey hey..
had a pretty good day today under the sun!!
went to changi beach with my 1st bro, niece, sis-in-law and younger bros..
woots woots it was awesome!!
played frisbee, sand and soaked my feet into the water..
:)

hmm ok anyway..
i got a call from.......
....well that call from that particular person made me wonder
whether all this while, its been all pretense..
if it was, it would be pretty terrible..
cause i know she wouldnt have such a motive on me..
ouh well, but anyway you're forgiven..
:)

moving on,
i cant really stand posers..
ok maybe they dont have a life..
or maybe they're just jealous of how other people are,
so they try to be like them but cant really pull it off well..
ah crap..
why should i bother??
let them do as they deem fit..

alrighty..
toodles..
(my dearest brother, give me ur headphones pls?? hehehe)

hmmm..

2010-08-08T01:27:00.002+08:00

okie hello..
its like 0135hrs and im still awake..
i cant sleep..
thinking of something..
why did she say tt??why did she remove that and that??
hmm..
several thoughts in my head now..
geez..

i wish i know the answers to all these questions..
but then again,
its better to know as little as possible..
ouh well..
i guess it doesnt really concern me..
so i shouldnt be poking my nose into this..

sigh..

FYP time!!

2010-08-06T22:26:00.002+08:00

okie dokie..
finally time for our 3 weeks YOG break..
hmm..
gotta get the FYP going..
and here's my FYP grp!!
bingsheng, ben and ME! :)
well ive gotten pretty much of the info i need from mr iskandar yst,
so tts pretty awesome..
hope he can assist us further in our FYP :)

ok anyway,
today my cramps stopped..
tts awesome!!
and and and i bought grapes & vitagen!! (ok tts random)
im gonna switch from yakult to vitagen instead..
healthier choice :)

hmm..
fasting month coming..
i hope my period ends b4 fasting month starts..
ouh ouh ouh..
and i need to exercise!!!
no basketball for 2 weeks alrdy!!
im so upset.. :(
ok nvm..
i shall go jogging and play badminton tmr..
yippee!!

ok toodles noodleheads..
:)

im in pain baby!!

2010-08-05T20:36:00.004+08:00

eh im in pain la ppl..

stupid cramps..

yes little miss menstruation, im always worried when u come irregularly,

but do you have to give me cramps??!!

haiyoyo!!

anyway went to meet mr iskandar earlier today..

fruitful visit!!

awesome!!way too awesome!!

ok tt aside, i think something's amiss??

really..

idk..but obviously you said tt for a reason rite??

come on..its not wrong to post comments on something tt catches my attention rite??

not as if i wanna meet her in person..

oh well..

my conscience is clear..

i have no motive whatsoever..

but well if u think i do, then its alright..

okie happy happy night ppl..

cramps cramps go away, dont come back at all ok??

releasing all the annoyance

2010-08-03T23:24:00.004+08:00

sigh..
been wanting to blog since where i stopped..
but keep having second thoughts about it..
like all of a sudden the urge disappears..

hmm i feel pretty annoyed at the moment..
and maybe a lil upset..
ok fuck it..
lets not let my fucking emotions get the better of me..

ive gt presentation tmr..
hmm..i swear i feel like killing some ppl..
goodness gracious!!
forget it..let it be..at least ive done my part..
geez!

life's not great when ure not in love huh??
hahaha..nah doesnt matter..
i dont need a guy to survive now..
i need to love myself first b4 i love anyone..
so love gotta wait..

TGIF :)

2010-07-30T23:28:00.003+08:00

rin's mummy called me to go out with her today..
so i did despite being a little tired..
^_^
initially i didnt want to but thinking of wats been happening at home,
id rather not stay home..
and so we went to compass point..
hehehe..
walked arnd, chat etc etc..
then i sent her home..

wanted to leave immediately w/o entering cos i jus feel like gg home..
BUT i couldnt contain my pee any longer..
hahaha..
so yeah..
used the bathroom..
lol..
then rin's mummy and rin himself asked me to wait
so tt he can send me to the bus stop..

hmm..at one point of time,
rin's mummy addressed herself as mum while talking to me..
hehehehehe!!
idk whether im supposed to call her mum as well or auntie..
so i sticked to the latter..
LOL..
but honestly, i love her the way i love my mum..

but im growing fatter!!
argh!!

do u know wat a blog is???

2010-07-29T22:19:00.005+08:00

hello hello..
i just wanna make things clear to readers tt this is a blog..
MY blog..
a blog is like a diary except tt its public..
and a diary is a medium where anyone is free to express one's feelings..
if uve nvr heard of freedom of speech,
now im telling ya..
as long as no names are mentioned, even if its fucking obvious who im refering to,
only the person in particular will feel it..

so pls..
if any of u, readers are unhappy with any of my posts,
dont read my blog anymore..
leave me a hater comment for all i care..
but tt doesnt make u any better yeah..
but a suggestion would be,
create ur own blog and bitch about me..
then tt'll make u feel way better about urself or watever..

as long as my name is not mentioned,
and i dunno ur blog,
i wont be able to sue u for slander..
awesome??

tsktsk..
pls get some knowledge on blogging b4 any of u readers start creating a big fuss..
this is MY space..
create ur own space..
and if you haters are still reading my blog,
u sud stop cos ure just gonna go crazy for no reason..
tsk..kids these days..

meanie me

2010-07-29T16:36:00.005+08:00

hey..
im trying to be mean..
i purposely made myself mean yst..
and it was freaking tiring..
i think i pissed her off..
but do i care??
nah!!
my house, my rules..and dont give problems to my younger bros get it??
cos if u do, im gonna make u hate not only me buut also my HOUSE..

but the funny part is,
today she tried to appease me with a piece of bread..
tsktsk..
are you like fucking serious??
a piece of pathetic bread??
nothing from u will ever appease me ok??
so quit trying to get into my gd books..
it aint gonna work..

anyway sch today was just ok..
short day..
so nothing much to expect..
my arm aches..
cos i played badminton with my bro yst..
tsktsk..

ok tts all for now..
working on sunday..
cant wait!!
^_^